Just a list.

- I cannot waaaait to go back to Adrian. I'm so ready to not get yelled at for asking simple questions. 

- I took a shower in the dark last night.

- Work sucks. My feet smell like malt vinegar when the day is through.

- I seriously considered sending information to American Apparel for a modeling job. If the photo shoots weren't in Los Angeles or NYC, I would have done it in a heart beat.

- I need a trim.

- As soon as I lose my love handles, I'm getting a tattoo of a red bow.

- I want a small cupcake tattoo on my big toe.

- I need more ear piercings.

Nothing interesting to say lately, je suis desole.

That's french for "I'm sorry."

but please remember me, my misery and how it lost me all i wanted

The bags under my eyes are the size of canyons. Can't seem to get enough sleep for these big brown eyes.

Been listening to a lot of acoustic music lately. It's been a while. It's encouraging me to start being artistic again - both musically and with pencil and paper. I haven't drawn a portrait in a long time... not sure why. Also been a while since I've touched a guitar. Still waiting on mine to get fixed. I need to practice piano for real this time instead of guessing.

If you get the chance, check out Iron and Wine, and not just the cover of Such Great Heights.

"honey is for bees, silly bear
besides theres jelly beans everywhere
its not what it seems, in the land of dreams 
dont worry your head just go to sleep
doesnt matter how you feel
lifes just a ferris wheel
its always up and down, dont make a sound
when you wake up the world will come around
its just sweet weather and peacock feathers
in the morning itll all be better
dont worry your head just go to sleep."

I'm so tired. I feel like my body and my head need a week of rest, but I love working. I like having something to do for the majority of the day and feeling like I am needed somewhere. 

Today I was sent home early because there were too many employees working. I expected a nice, calm day filled with napping, a little grocery shopping, and movie watching. Instead, I got talked into going to my future sister-in-law's bridal shower for three hours, helping my mom with her hairstyle for the wedding, fetching food, and spending minimal time with my family. Not what I had expected at all. I usually like being busy, but sometimes I need to take a breather and have some 'me' time. 

Since this is like a journal to me, I am going to do some ranting. 

Perry and I usually talk on the phone every night for at least a couple of hours. Lately, we've been getting into stupid fights and have nothing left but awkward silences and a little bit of whining here and there before we say goodnight. This is upsetting because it is over dumb things that aren't worth getting into an argument over and leave us both with hurt feelings. Personally, I don't like going to bed angry or upset, so I can't just get off the phone and go to bed without them getting resolved, while he can and wake up in the morning just fine as if nothing ever happened. It's just really awkward. I hate the phone. We've also been talking about some very serious things... future plans. This doesn't just include the possibility of a promise ring, engagement rings and wedding bands, and a wedding in general, but Perry's future career. He wants so badly to be a senator, but for some reason doesn't think it's going to happen. I have all the faith in the world that it could, but no matter how much I encourage him, he doesn't believe me. He also complains about how he's bored and lonely, but all he does is work minimal hours at Wendy's, watch tv and movies, and play video games. He doesn't do anything for anyone else (not to say he's selfish). But I've found that doing things for other people, even if you don't know them - nor will you ever know them, is the most fulfilling thing in the world you can do. I tried suggesting that to him tonight and he got all weird on me. We had already been upset at each other over him not listening when I was talking, and this just made it worse. I don't know what to say to him anymore. 

I've come to a loss for words, and I'm exhausted and I can't comprehend anything I just wrote, so I may edit this later and finish it. Maybe not.